Who the hell are these people??
I have decided that I must lack some basic trait of people. I go to work and often I work very hard under the wonderful Army system of "Work hard or we will make your life a miserable pile of shit". Most everyone responds to this tactic. However, I see people who fill thier off time with activities and sports and a lot of other things that, frankly, I have no desire to do. In fact, I have 4 days off, yesterday until monday, and my primary goal is to not leave the house and do nothing. I NEED to clean my house and do laundry and I know I will ultimately do those things but I have no interest in managing my life whatsoever. I cannot find any motivation. I have been diagnosed with "severe depressive disorder" and I take paxil in an attempt to curb my dark and broody personality, and while I now spend less time feeling like Batman without the suit and gadgets, I still cannot get myself to get off my lazy ass and do anything. I see other people who have some reserve of energy and motivation and I feel like there is something wrong with me. Even when the Army got me addicted to Adderall, that is basically legal precription meth, I found my self with more energy with wich I used to sit around until later at night than before.
I will go now and insist that I must do some housework, but weather I actually get anything done will be a toss up as it always is.
posted by The109 @ 10:18 AM
9 Comments
9 Comments:
do you know your birth time?
if so, can you tell me all your stats-- birth date / city / time?
would like to see what your info indicates, in relation to your stated "problem" of not getting things done. but i can tell you already... there's nothing wrong with you. you're just trying to live by standards which don't apply (don't worry, most of the world is doing the exact same thing)
the only real problem might be that you have chosen an occupation which is inherently unopen to you being biologically natural... unless of course you push it so far that you end up sick, and maybe end up on disability. but why not find something more in alignment with your native energies?
cheers
-dan
(that wacky blogger from el paso)
Sorry to hear about you r current dark state. I don't know if this will help, and you look like you are in shape so maybe you already do this, but exercise certainly helps me in times like these. I think the natural endorphins kicking in really helps.
Holy schnike! I was diagnosed with major depression in the summer of '93 and was also prescibed Paxil. It took several weeks, but the meds did eventually take and they gave me the kick I so desperately needed. I would clean the house and do the dishes, things I couldn't even think about doing when I was under the cloud of depression. I read a book called "Feeling Good" about turning my negative thinking into positivity. I had a spiritual awakening after that and it sounds ridiculous, but I am actually glad the illness occured because I am so much stronger now because of it. Hang in there, Dean. You were smart to get help for this. The prize will most likely be worth the rocky road.
daniel: I'm not sure about my birth time but I was born in Clearwater, FL on 8/14/1979.
rocketstar: Yea the army keeps me in shape I run about 3-4 miles every other day or so and do muscular endurance training on the other days. I do get some of a kick from the exercise but It it typically short lived.
thomas: I'm starting on my 3rd month with the paxil and it seemed to help for awhile but now not so much.... I wonder if I need a dosage adjustment. I'm not as bad as I was before but also not doing as well as I was after about 3 weeks on the Paxil. I hadn't thought of that yet, mabye I'll suggest it to my doc.
Yeah, it wouldn't hurt to get a higher dosage. My usual was 20mg of the stuff. I also took Trazodone to help with sleep.
I am with rocket on this. sometimes i get home from work and sit there and think "i do not want to get off this couch until it is time for bed, how do other people do it?" and 9 times out of 10 i force my butt off the couch. once i am out doing my chosen activity (be it walking the dogs, riding the horse or going to the gym) i feel amazing! my whole mood changes and i feel great! and that is why the next night when i come home and want to hang out on the couch, i get right back out there.
hang in there
I can't believe I didn't even notice that you wrote this...lol. I suck.
I wish I knew how to help you. My advice is to make opportunities for happiness for yourself and learn how to balance it with being a father and a husband. You are so used to finding your happiness in solitude and rely on old measures to get a lift, but maybe there are other ways. I don't know. You're one of the hardest people I've ever met as far as figuring you out. I can suggest just about anything, but you just don't seem happy. My advice is to be as open and honest with your doctor as you can be and maybe he can offer up something productive to try.
Okay, this is kind of a generic reading since I haven't been studying this stuff all that long, and also we don't know your exact birth time, which means a lot of detail can't really be included.
It's also very mechanistic, because I don't know you in person, so I'm basically going PURELY by the position of the planets etc.
Oh, and it might also be complete horseshit! So yeah.
---
First of all, you're a "Projector" type, which means... that you're not here to be doing WORK, to be getting your hands dirty and putting forth tons of energy to make things happen. There are other "types" that are here to do this, and projectors are here to GUIDE them in finding the right work/activities, to be sort of a hub or central point which can direct those who DO have oodles of energy to make shit happen. Granted, this is just metaphorical, but it doesn't hurt to think of something like an architect or movie director (vs. the actual builders or actors)
The main thing about projectors is, they are useless and hopeless unless they have been RECOGNIZED and INVITED by others. They can't force their way into things, into life-- to use an example, imagine a person at a dinner party who constantly tries to contribute something to the conversation. They have their own opinions, and they think they're quite interesting, but nobody's hearing it. It's not until this person shuts the hell up that other people begin to be curious about what that person has to say, and then INVITE them to speak. At that point, you have everybody's undivided attention (and their energy to get things done)
Second of all, there's another aspect called "profile" which... it's likely you're a 3/5, but you might be a 3/6. (Depending on time of day, and since we don't know...) So I'll just say what they have in common. The "3" there indicates that you live a life of trial and error. You're never going to settle down and cease having the need to constantly break ties with things/people/reality-- there will ALWAYS be that constant churning of your life circumstances-- establishing new bonds, and then breaking them almost as fast. You're going to be trying everything under the sun until you find something that absolutely cannot be broken or gone past ... but maybe it'll never be found.
The second half, if a "5" (born earlier that day, up to maybe 7-8pm or so), would mean that you live a life in other people's projections-- when people first meet you, they imagine great things about you, can always see you being able to help them-- your parents would have thought that you were going to accomplish so much, be the perfect child -- but then, it's likely that reality sets in, and then you'll experience the other side of it-- people's negative projections. As much as you could have been the savior, now you're the guy getting burned at the stake for letting everybody down. 3/5s will have reputation and stability problems -- once loved, then regretted. Others will feel that you have so much potential you're not living up to. (Their projection onto you)
If born toward the evening, it could be a "6" (3/6), then that indicates -- in addition to the trial and error stuff, you'll go through distinct stages in life, which will totally affect the way you experience life. The first change would be around 29 years old (Sept 2008 specifically). I don't know much about the 6s really, because I myself am a 3/5... so if the "constantly being projected upon" doesn't sound right, then this might be more correct.
There's also a slim chance you could be a 4/6 which is entirely different-- 4s are all about life themes of relationships, the meaning of friendship, etc. Willing to bet that doesn't sound like you.
Your inner authority is the emotional center (solar plex). Inner authority is where you should really make decisions from, not from the mind -- because the mind can be easily conditioned from outside, whereas the particular authority center for a person will be the real helmsman-- it won't guarantee a life of ease and luxury, but following it will yield a life that is distinctly yours, as opposed so anybody else's idea (parents/friends/society-at-large) of what you're all about.
Following one's emotional authority means allowing the emotional cycles to play out completely, and then making decisions from a point of clarity at the end of the cycle. In other words, there is no truth in the moment, no truth in the "now" for such people. When asked to make an important decision on the spot, that's just a horrible idea-- there's no way of knowing until you've reached the peak and descended into the trough, and THEN leveled out into neutrality.
You have a couple of "undefined centers" which basically breaks down to the following (very abbreviated here):
Undefined sacral center: It's possible that you never know when enough is enough. Don't know when a project is finished, don't know when enough work has been done. Pushing yourself to do more than you really have energy for. Probably not very sexually inclined when left to your own devices (until you find yourself in the energy field of someone who does have a defined sacral). If you're like me, when you're "into" somebody, you feel it more in your upper chest/throat than your pants.
Undefined root center: Feeling pressured by any outside demands or obligations. Rushing to finish things just to get them out of the way (or alternatively procrastinating horribly for largely the same reason)-- ie, there's a large chance one is inherently unable to perform work at a measured, reasonable pace, especially if anyone else is waiting.
*Possibly* undefined splenic center (again, depending on time of day of birth)-- staying involved in things too long, longer than is good for you. Lacking that mammalian survival instinct which has an immediate sense that something is unsafe or potentially a bad idea.
A cool thing is that you DO have a defined ego/heart center, which, unlike most of humanity, means you can actually make a promise and will yourself to stick to it. Whereas a lot of people THINK they can (because it's a "respectable" thing to keep one's promises), but end up flaking out or causing themselves crazy stress (and heart/stomach disease!) in trying to force themselves to do what they promised.
Well said.
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